I decided to map Nazneen’s journey as she purposely loses herself in downtown London, as well as a few points within her normal, comfortable block on Brick Lane. In making this map, I realized that although she likely went further than I drew her journey to be, she still could not have gone too far to end up in downtown London – Tower Hamlets is only a few miles from downtown. This is incredibly representative of how she has been shielded from London since moving there, whether by her own doing or someone else’s, as she has stayed to herself on Brick Lane so much that a couple miles down the road feels like another universe. This is one of the most crucial scenes in Nazneen’s character development because it awakens a sense of freedom that she did not know she had. She finds comfort in the fact that “unless she did something, waved a gun, halted traffic, they would not see her”, “they” being the British people swarming to their places of work around her (40). She realized the joy in being hidden, the comfort in being able to proceed with her day without the same community of people watching her every move. Despite the fact that she was in immense pain from various injuries she had sustained in the short journey, as well as found herself to be “without a coat, without a suit, without a white face, without a destination”, she knew that the people passing her “could not see her any more than she could see God” (40). This was a surprising moment of relief, for Nazneen and the reader, as she realizes she may not be the fish-out-of-water she thinks she is. To make things even better, she encounters a man who looks more like her than all the white people she has so far passed who attempts to speak to her in Urdu and Hindi, neither of which she understands. When he tries English, she can only say “sorry”, cueing the man to go along with his day. It was only one word, but to Nazneen it was the first time “she had spoken in English, to a stranger, and she had been understood and acknowledged” (43). She is a fly on the wall in her own home, and within hours of venturing into the city on her own she (almost) had a conversation with a stranger – this is more progress toward settling into her new life in one day than she has made in over a year.
These were the good things to come of the journey, but there was also the overwhelming guilt Nazneen carried with her about her own foolishness getting lost in the city as well as her sister’s loneliness in Dhaka. The journey as a whole had an almost sadistic undertone, as much of it seems to be her getting into painful, scary, or uncomfortable situations in a way that mirrors how she thinks Hasina must feel. As she notices how lost she has become, and also how much the baby has pushed on her bladder, Nazneen realizes “she, like Hasina, could not simply go home…they were both lost in cities that would not pause even to shrug” (42). Here, Nazneen does not mean home as her flat in Tower Hamlets, but rather her village back in Bangladesh. She did not venture far, and she can figure out how to get directions back to her physical residence, but the place that she cannot get to no matter how long she walks and how many turns she takes is Bangladesh, the only place she really feels is home. Overall, this journey is representative of Nazneen’s battle with her personal life, assimilation, and a simultaneous desire to be both seen and unseen.